keep living (18/02/02)

i wake up

it's too early to call this morning

my arm is exposed to the air, and it's cold

i feel a chill

and it's covered in goosebumps

and i want to be alive.

this feeling, most feelings, we overlook them.

life is hectic in the 21st century: we tend to be busy all of the time, mentally stimulated, and we're bombarded with the idea that we have to be always achieving and going up.

it's easy to say that we want to drop all of this... drop work, relationships, responsibilities, expectations... fade away.

but what are we really losing if we do that?

we're losing the chill on our arm

we're losing the way the sunrise is going to shine in through the window

we're losing the ambiance around us at any given moment... that we constantly forget is even there...

but maybe now and then we should forget about everything else instead.

just let yourself feel part of a moment in time.

let yourself exist without the identity you've built up for yourself or the links you've identified between yourself and the world-

just be part of it.

does it feel better than being dead?

it certainly does. anything does, when to be dead is not even to have the feeling of emptiness.

and to go to a cliche, a cup of coffee would surely feel better than dying too, and you can even turn that into a reason to live.

if you have to, borrow from religion, make simple acts ritualistic.

practice sensing, practice existing, practice enjoying coffee.

keep living

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